Day 6: I've Helped Create Heroin Addicts

Weed, pot, bud, flower, ganja, chronic, nug, marijuana - whatever you want to name it.  This was all that I could ever think about at one point in my life.  Getting high.  I would wake up and immediately start to contemplate how I was going to get high today.  Would I spend more money, buy more weed?  Scrape my pipe, smoke the resin?

Early on in my life I created a connection in my mind between what my parents did -- wake up, go to work, come home, cook dinner, watch television, go to bed, repeat, and wait for the weekends and vacation times -- with that being the epitome of unhappiness / slavery.  I thought that there was no way out of this.  I would go to school, get my job, have my kids.

Then I discovered smoking marijuana.  At the time I was still living my life according to the pursuit of happiness principle because that was all I'd known / been taught, as I was never presented any evidence / truths as to why this train of thought is complete bullshit and abusive to the world, and so when I took that first hit I 'knew' that this was something to be cherished.  This was something that I thought I could use to break the cycle of me in the 'corporate zombie takeover' because it felt so good with the way it made me laugh, smile, and feel all tingly inside.  It made me happy.  I was at this stage not aware that this was only an act of rebellion -- an act of trying to get away from the inevitable truth as to what this world is and what I thought it had to offer, and not an act of true self-expression.

I from this point went on to seek validation from my friends and people in school.  I created this character of, "You're either smoking weed with me, or you're not cool.  You're part of the 'problem' if you're working on getting your 9-5 job."  I thought that if I had a follower of friends and people that thought like this, I would be justified in my actions of getting high.

Never did it occur to me, until too late, of course, that none of this was about smoking weed itself.  It was about doing whatever it took 'rebel' against the system.  So, of course, once discovered that we didn't have to live like our parents, weed wasn't the only thing my friends and I did.  We would take pills, drink alcohol, do crimes, etc.  Anything to create an energetic experience in the mind of 'happiness'.  And so of course within this addiction to energy and the experience of happiness, not everyone can handle it the same way.  Not everyone can handle addiction the same way.  Some people can smoke weed, live normal lives, not get into trouble, and some people can't.  Some people go onto using heroin, meth, crack -- drugs that completely change a person into something that is not always pleasant.  The same example can be used with porn.  Some people can watch porn everyday of their lives and be 'fine', while some people let their addictions and their fantasies about 'what sex should be' turn them into rapists.

So, I realize now at the time, after seeing so many friends, family, and people I know become heroin addicts, that I played a part in all of this through what I accepted and allowed myself to do in the terms of my own addictions.  Throughout my time as a pot-head, I always stood as the example of 'drugs are cool, drugs are good, let's get high and laugh and smile', and never stood as the example of what a person can do with a life a sobriety.

So here I will walk the process of forgiving myself for ever having accepted and allowed myself to be a person that says, "Drugs are alright," and within doing so give myself back the responsibility to stand as the example of what we can do when we stop our limitations, stop our rebellion, stop our justifications - so we can get down to what is real about Life and what is not.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do drugs out of fear of the future, out of fear that at some point in my life I may be unhappy with where I am at in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this point of doing drugs out of fearing the future to justify me in not taking action to shape my own destiny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate freedom from corporate-slavery (9-5 jobs) to the amount of drugs that I could do / to the amount of feel-good feelings I could feel, and never saw/realized/understood that this freedom was an act of rebellion because I didn't want to do the actual work required to make this world a place that is more than that of working our entire lives to survive -- I wanted to beat around the bush and live my life in a way that avoided this point of having to do the actual work required to change the world -- completely invalidating this freedom I was seeking because I became dependent on drugs / feel good feelings to avoid this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have continued to use drugs even after seeing the people I love get addicted to more dangerous and deadly drugs, all because I didn't want to face my addiction in the faint hope that all of this will work itself out without me putting any effort into changing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at one point to not truly care about the people faced with addiction, as if I did I would have changed myself sooner and stood as the example of you can change, too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as a good example to my friends, and be a person that found it within themselves to stand-up and say, "No, this is not alright."


I will continue walking more through the points of drugs, being the example, and will walk/establish the appropriate self-commitments to set the guidelines for myself in becoming a person that can be trusted with life.

Thank you.

Day 5: tl;dr (Too Long; Didn't Read)

tl;dr

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand the amount of power I give tl;dr every time I am faced with a lengthy piece of writing, wherein I will start doing the reading but allow myself to enter into huge states of anxiety - am I ever going to finish?, am I getting the point?, should I continue? -- and thus not be completely here with myself and my application of reading.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use this point of anxiety as tl;dr as an indicator of where I am at in my Process, as to where I struggle in disconnecting my thoughts of anxiety and where I need to consciously work on being here as Breath so that I can actually investigate the information presented to me without all the other back-chats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to discard the purpose of reading -- it's not to get from start to finish and feel accomplished that I got through it, but it is to actually learn something, rather it be about me and my participation with myself in how I participate in reading, or about somebody else and how they experience themselves. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that others may be facing the same point as this, and so within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to not take on the challenge of writing short, concise, easy to understand, and to the point to help aid others in being able to be here.

I commit myself to stop the fear of tl;dr by taking each step within the reading process in a breath to breath manner, so in this way I can stay consistent, not going to slow as to where I am not reading and letting myself get distracted, and not going to fast as to where I miss the points being presented to get to the end quickly, but in a way that builds stability/understanding: step by step, breath by breath.

In the next post I will be walking through an opposite side of this -- the point of having so much to write about on a particular subject that anxiety, self-doubt, fear, not knowing where to start, and all sorts of other emotion comes in that sways oneself to settle for less and be half-ass with what one wants to convey.

Thanks everyone.

Day 4: I Can Do Both part 2

Continuing on correcting the point of having to choose either helping people locally or globally through Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be locked into the mindset of having a choice when it comes to who I help and what I do to help -- as this always has reflected me choosing whatever's in my self-interest, whatever comes easiest -- and never has been a reflection of my alignment to what is best for all, as if it was, there would no 'choice', only obligation.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the usual pattern that tends to come up when I allow myself 'choice': I go into a fear construct in my mind where all the usual 'what-ifs' come up -- what if I choose 'wrong' / what if other people judge me / etc. and within this I allow myself to do nothing, to not choose anything, to not push past my thoughts of doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act based on memories of the past, based on my reactions towards other people's reactions: wherein I professed the Desteni message and was met with, "That's cool, but I'm going to instead become a therapist, for example, because that is something I know for sure will make an impact on the lives of people," and so I created a connection on my mind, not anything that was based on certainty or having tested this out in real life, that I have I can't be a person that does both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge those that do things to help people in ways differently than promoting Life in Equality and deeming them as 'time-wasters', when in-fact people need help building a sustainable infrastructure for themselves RIGHT NOW -- children in impoverished parts of the world for example need solutions like Living Income Guaranteed, but this is something that is obviously only going to be available in the future; while in the present those children need people that are doctors, people that can help build wells for fresh water, people that can help these children get an education, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to do both, because I can.

I commit myself to see/realize/understand what I do to myself in the moment when I allow myself to only choose between two opposite sides of the spectrum, and to use this seeing/realizing/understanding to make decisions that will include the whole and be full-circle in its helpfulness.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to make decisions based on what other people in the past have decided as helpful in the world, to push past in resistances in the form of 'what-if', and to form a real understanding of what needs to be done in this world, such as helping people in the now and laying the road to be helpful in the future.

I commit myself to stop making excuses in finding opportunities in my community to be helpful, be it helping people become literate, helping people feed themselves and their family -- anything that is required to be done to help these people in the now -- while also coming together to find diplomatic solutions to the world that will help people that are out of my physical reach because both of these are important.  People are important.

Thanks.

Day 3: I Can Do Both

One of the biggest misconceptions that I have made in regards to Process and Honoring Life is that I have to choose:  I either work towards the implementation of global-solutions that ensure Life in Equality, or I work towards helping the people that I can for-sure help/physically be with, such as volunteering at homeless shelters/food pantries/tutoring/big brother programs/reading to the blind/etc.

I made this connection because I didn't want to take responsibility for myself in becoming the up-most effective/efficient/productive with my time spent here.  I wanted to hold onto justifications for not doing both, the most prevalent being if I volunteer myself to helping people in my community, that will be less time that I can spend on the internet promoting global-solutions -- change that will last.  I never wanted to get to the bottom of why I decided this, why I didn't make the connection that this world is desperate for people to do both, to help locally and globally, because if I did that will disrupt the real reason why I don't do both: because I am LAZY.  I wanted to be able to validate snapshot decisions I made in my mind, such as I am too tired/someone else will do this/I don't feel like it, through not bringing this point to the surface.

We are all given the same 24 hours each and every day to make our move.  There is no longer the excuse that I do not have time to do both, as it has always, always, always been that I do have the time (24 hours each day).  How I [ab]use my time is the problem.  People in my community, my world, our world, need help right now, and if I say I stand for Life, no longer can I turn a blind eye on the people that I can help in my immediate-reality, while also doing my part in the promotion of Life in Equality via the appropriate democratic needs for the people that I can't see in my immediate-life.

I will be walking through the Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrections necessary next post.

Thanks.

Day 2: Commitment to Self Commitment as Self Corrective Application

For me, things do not stick as easily as making one-time stand-alone decisions of walking the change I have previously established. Thus, I am realizing that for me to be effective at Self Commitment as Self Corrective Application, I need to live the words of correction by allowing myself to actually know by remembering what it is that I have made clear for myself so far, and not use excuses of forgetting what I have made clear as my commitments as reasoning for not applying Self Corrective Application in each breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stick to my commitments to life which I have previously reconciled with, making the points that I have already walked ineffective/useless, as I must again walk the point of self forgiveness to the points for that which I have made commitments to change, again, and must walk even more points in getting down to the reasoning/justifications for not sticking to my commitments in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand the purpose of being effective with my self commitment statements, as such to be the proven basis and foundation for practically living common sense through physical investigation as to how I can see/realize/understand my deception, take the stance of responsible for this deception, and move accordingly away from doing this to doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push through the resistances of wanting to stop writing after I walk the process of self forgiveness on a specific points by half-assing the followed up self commitments with justifications of 'feeling too lazy,' and 'like I already have done enough.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that the application of self correction is for myself to be a better/different person within the realization that the world change when the human change, and thus that in every way implies that I then have the responsibility and power alone to create a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not revisit the commitments that I have placed for myself realizing that that is how they will 'stick' and that is how the self correction will become real, realizing that the tendency of the mind is to forget and compromise that which steps outside of the programming that I created as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to actual change for every pattern that I have forgiven and attempted to release myself from by staying committed to actually know by remembering what I have committed myself to do by taking the time re read what I have written, making the forgiveness wasted energy that was never actually released from me.


I commit myself to walk the process required to bring about a world that is best for all life, and to be geared within the realization that the world change to what is best for all when I do.

I commit myself that within walking this process of change to be/live/remember my correction of commitments, so breath by breath I can be the change I would like to see in this world.

I commit myself to push through the resistances of time so I can in fact prove to myself when I am being self honest, and thus prove to myself when I am being effective / not effective.

I commit myself to use my time writing at times not before bed so I will not use the excuse of 'I'm too tired to carry on.'

I commit myself to carry-on when I feel like I have already done enough with my writing and not wanting to delve deeper into examining myself, within the 'framework of knowledge' as to I will have 'done enough' when the world is redefined into a place of Oneness as Equality.

I commit myself to re read aloud at least 1-3 passages previously blogged of my self commitment statements before writing out self forgiveness on other points to insure the integration of my commitments to who I am.

I commit myself to follow-up each statement of self forgiveness with self commitment to validate each point of forgiveness so that it may form into the collective change I place for myself so no single point stands alone but with the whole as to what is best for all.

I commit myself to take self commitment as self corrective application with all seriousness because this is what will be my judge -- am I here to live what is best for all life, or am I here to live what is best for me?

I commit myself to become that which is best for all life through the tools provided with Desteni.

Day 1: The Establishment of Life as Equality as the Starting Point for Being

What is it that I really want to do in this world? Obviously, I want to make a difference -- so am I ready to give up my perceived perception of who I am that accepts and allows separation within and as myself and the world around me? Because in order for me to stay the same, to live in my bubble of me as the highest, most relevant point, the world has to stay the same -- which is unacceptable should Life on Earth continue its journey. Therefore, the establishment of direction to Life Here as our reason for being is imperative, as the equality equation dictates that all decisions are to be accounted for; and the outcome will be whatever we have accepted and allowed as our driving force for being -- separation, or equality. This implies that if I do want to change the world, to make an actual difference in the lives of everything, I need clear understanding for who I am going to be within all of this, as this does mean life or death, equality or separation.

Made clear by Bernard Poolman, Who we are doesn't exist as a way; there is no path to follow. Who we are exists as common sense, practical application, here, in the physical. So, within this message and its application of bringing Heaven to Earth through Oneness as Equality, a practical/physical approach is necessary, as common sense does not exist as anything that we've come to accept and know as the mind because common sense is actually the sense to see that all is common within and as existence, we are all here as life, and, sensibly, within this statement of facts, all should be guaranteed a dignified life because we are all equals, equally here as Life; thus, the process of placing oneself in a structured task of writing out daily one's own mind as feelings/emotions/fears/desires--to see how in fact we came to where we are here, in the now moment, by writing self honestly about the points that are most controlling in our lives, and then work backwards to analyze 'is this what is best for all?,' 'can I improve my actions for the next time this point arises?,' 'have I realized why and how I got to this point that keeps arising?,' 'how has this prevented me from doing what is best for all?,' etc. and thus can allow ourselves the position to forgive ourselves, to take the authoritative stance of what we will accept and what we will not accept as ourselves as our reason for being--with cross-referenced support by those walking the same process of realignment to the world to be sure that no ego as self interest as survival stands in the place of the principle of what is best for all. This is the only way to establish common sense: walking a process of continuous examination of every relationship that is here in this existence to see if in fact it is best for all, and if not, walk the necessary path of correction. Therefore, if I am to have any effective influence on the world, this establishment of common sense through writing must be at the forefront of my starting point for participation in this world, as this is the way to be common sense driven, to be sure that in each breath, in each moment of and as here, we can be applying what we have already taken the time to research about ourselves from our own writing, or at least be at a position of being able to manage ourselves to get to the position of redirection to what is best for all through being familiar to process of actual correction.

In addition to the grounding of common sense, a starting point for being here ought also include the reasoning that this is for self first, as only through my realignment of myself in the world can bring about the structural change of bringing Equality to Earth--as the very definition of equality insists upon the participation of all involved, which includes myself. Only I can change myself within the realignment to a new world of Equality as what is best for all life, and thus only I can give myself what is actually best for myself by ensuring that the world is what is best for all because if the world is not what is best for all, but the way it is now, there will always be war, competition, survival, such that I will never be able to be secure or live in a world away from these things, and thus is not best for me; so, only I can take responsibility for myself and change myself to be a person of integrity as to what is best for all, and thus I realize that I need to focus on myself first. The process however doesn't end until all realize their point of having to take responsibility for themselves, and therefore being a person of REAL self interest as what is best for all first, the assistance and support comes with great ease in regards to helping people in their own process of self change; having actual self appreciation and value implies that you walk the process of establishing common sense as your proven and trustworthy platform of self knowledge within and as the dedication of creating a world of what is best for all life, and thus empower self in to not accepting anything less from anything other than what is best for all life--as it would not be best for yourself--and can move to the necessary steps of supporting and assisting the points back into common sense -- all so all can have a bloody cool life because equality implies this person's agreement the to realignment of self being effective at producing a world that is best for all, and thus support is required for bring about Equality.

I forgive myself for not wanting to accept and understand that in no matter what stage of 'being' I am at, I have a starting point, thus implying that I am actually responsible for what goes on in this world, and so furthermore I forgive myself for not wanting to take responsibility for myself and this world because it was easier to pretend that I do not have a starting point / that my starting point was to not force myself to get real with change, but to justify myself as ignorant to how me living in this world is part of the mess that is being allowed, and so within all of this I realize that within not taking responsibility for my reason for being in this world, I am deliberately sabotaging myself and others, proclaiming myself as an evil-doer, for no other reason than 'it was hard,' which is complete bullshit and not necessary.
I commit myself in insuring that my reason for living is for Life, and thus commit myself to being sure and honest within my starting point: 'am I doing what is best for all here?,' through the access of the tools of writing as the dedication to become that which is best for all life via self forgiveness, self commitment, and self honest living application as my way of establishing common sense, clear direction about how I need to actually move myself in existence to bring about the necessary changes for equality.

I forgive myself for not previously creating a clear and definitive purpose within and as my Journey to Life, as not doing so creates a sense of powerlessness to what can be changed because without the clear and definitive purpose that comes in full deliberation and awareness to the creation of what is best for all life, the sense of purpose is what was there before -- the mind survival as energy, the fixation to be only what is experienced as feelings/emotions/fears/desires, where that is the only thing relevant because it keeps self entertained, preoccupied, fulfilled -- and therefore I forgive myself accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by energy, and not directive in what I deliberately choose as my path to freedom as creating a world best for all life.
I commit myself to continue on the path of walking through the Journey to Life in alignment to what I have established thus far, a starting point that gives back the power to change myself for real through the common sense examination of myself to get to actually knowing myself to see how in fact I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed to exist in the name of my seeking my own self interested glory as mind energy, and to see how in fact I can change myself from realizing who I am.

I forgive myself for the way that I have acted when I turned this process into about 'helping' other people, as it became only about pointing out every single dishonesty that was separate from myself, instead of taking on what I in fact do have control over, which is myself. Furthermore, I forgive myself for having my reasoning behind wanting everyone else to see/realize/understand the dishonesty that exists on a global scale, being the secret desire of wanting them to be the one that changes the world, so that I have to do nothing but rape the advantages of living in a changed world, and have other people forgive me so I can remain separate from the only thing that I can take responsibility for: myself.
I commit myself to work with myself first and foremost and to not place blame in to others, as in 'you should have done something/you should be doing something', as anything else would be futile and counterproductive to the commitment placed on doing what is best for all, as it would allow me to not be Here as common sense.

I forgive myself for not establishing distinction between real self interest as to what would be best for all life, and self interest as to what would be best for me to get high on creating energy, and thus have not moved in common sense awareness of supporting the process of getting to Life by supporting others walking the same process, and allowing being supported as well, as this is taking the real self interested stance that I will not accept or allow anything less from outside points to be less than what is best for all, and thus can move to support others in the terms of supporting common sense living as Life, as well as receiving that support myself.
I commit myself to live this point of support away from secret desires of wanting others to change the world for me, but in a structured way that functions as me taking direct responsibility for and as myself by being the active supporter to myself by supporting others and being supported, equally.

I commit myself to the Life that is Best for All Life.